What Was And What Should Be
by Sexy.Lil.Emo
Summary: Jim has some questions for Ambassador Spock and visits him on New Vulcan. The answers he receives are not what he expects. - Spirk


Hey guys! I have Spirk on the brain (and in my heart) a lot lately and the plot bunnies keep coming so I keep writing.

This could be considered a prequel to a fic I wrote a while ago called "Melds and Mends" (but both can be read alone)

I have so many feels about Spock Prime and his Kirk, and I think I need to do a 'fix it' fic for them cause it just breaks my heart

anyway this is set between the 2009 movie and Into Darkness, prepare for feels.

hope you enjoy it, much love xox

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Captain Kirk made a point of 'passing by' New Vulcan and 'dropping in' on Ambassador Spock to see how things were going rebuilding Vulcan on a new planet and how the Ambassador was adjusting to the different time line.

It was part of his duty as a Starfleet captain after all. It had nothing to do with the many unanswered questions he had and the deep desire to know more about this Spock. Nothing at all.

The Enterprise was granted orbit and permission to beam down to the planet's surface. Kirk granted shore leave to those who requested it but overall this was Starfleet offering help to the Vulcans. They weren't the only ship in the fleet here to help, they were bringing supplies and materials from all over to help the Vulcan people re-establish their society.

It had been some time since New Vulcan had been 'founded' and most people had houses by now, but it would take a long time before this planet would become a home. There had been a huge team effort to build efficiently and to the standard the Vulcan's were accustomed to.

Ambassador Spock had been built a home also, next door to Ambassador Sarek, not as large as they had been on Vulcan, but enough.

Once he had beamed down and attended to some official business required of him as Captain, Jim left to find Ambassador Spock's house. Kirk recited to himself the directions Ambassador Spock had given him to find his new home. He looked for the land marks and sure enough every one was there like the Ambassador had said. He finally found the right place and knocked shyly on the door. He found he was anxious to see the older Spock again, anxious of the answers to the questions he wanted to ask perhaps? It was likely.

An elderly Vulcan in a thick grey robe answered the door and smiled openly when he saw who the caller was "James T. Kirk. What a pleasure it is to see you again my friend."

"Ambassador Spock, I'm glad to be here." Jim replied, he couldn't help the smile that also crept onto his own face, it was odd to see a Vulcan smile though.

"Please come in, I was just preparing some theris-masu. You may call me Spock if you are comfortable to do so." The Ambassador moves out of the doorway to allow Jim through.

Kirk stepped over the threshold and looked around taking in everything "Thank you, I'm sorry my Vulcan is not up to scratch, what are you preparing?" He asked as the older Spock guided him to the living room.

The Ambassador gave him another smaller smile, this one was almost sad "My apologies Jim, My Kirk was fluent in Vulcan and we often swapped between the languages. I am preparing herbal tea, would you like some?"

Jim didn't really drink tea; he was more a coffee person, but he didn't want to say no "Uh, sure, I'll give it a go."

The Vulcan nodded and walked toward the kitchen to finish the tea. He came back with two steaming mugs. He set one down on the coffee table in front of Jim and sat down next to him on the couch adjusting his robe.

"How are things going here?" Jim asked and picked up his mug, he blew on it before taking a sip. Interesting.

Ambassador Spock made a similar motion with his own mug and raised an eyebrow at Kirk; it was eerily similar to something his own first officer often did.

"Things are going as well as can be expected when trying to rebuild an entire planet and its long established culture, but I do not think you have come to talk about New Vulcan."

Kirk was caught, he didn't know how Spock knew but he did, maybe he was anxious to have this conversation too. "Oh, well, I mean I am interested to see how New Vulcan is progressing, but I admit I have come for other reasons."

The Vulcan nodded and took another sip of his tea "I sense you have questions, as I have stated in the past, I do not wish to reveal everything to you and my counterpart, however, there are some things I do not mind divulging. What do you wish to know?"

Jim took a sip of the strange tea and put the mug back down while he collected his thoughts "When I met you on Delta Vega, you immediately recognised me, do-do I look like him; your James Kirk?"

He knew these questions would come and he knew they would be painful, he prepared himself to best answer "Yes, you are almost identical to him at your age, except for your eyes, you have a most vibrant shade of blue, it helps me to remember that you are not him."

"Oh." Jim was unsure how to take that so he moved on to his next question "Is your Kirk still alive? In your timeline I mean, I know the Vulcan lifespan is considerably longer than a Human, but I do not know how your ages differ."

The Ambassador stared into his tea and Jim knew that his counterpart was not alive "I'm sorry, I was a bit unsure, when you mind melded with me on Delta Vega I just got glimpses of you both together, of things you felt, of many things, but it all felt jumbled and didn't make a lot of sense, especially in between everything else you were actually trying to tell me."

"I admit it was difficult to stop the emotional transference, it was a shock to see you and for one brief hopeful moment I thought I was home, it brought many things to the surface." The older Spock confessed, he was still staring into his tea and fiddling with a chain that was just visible going into his robe.

Jim could almost feel the deep sadness radiating from Spock "You must have had a very special friendship, I hope my Spock and I can be close like that one day."

The Vulcan raised his eyes from his mug along with an eyebrow "Jim, what sort of relationship do you believe your counterpart and I enjoyed?"

Kirk was confused by the question "A deep friendship, as I just said?" He replied uncertainly.

Spock chuckled, and again it was an odd thing to see from a Vulcan, he tugged at the chain around his neck and pulled it out from his robe. The mug of tea was discarded onto the coffee table as the Ambassador moved closer to Kirk "This," He started and showed Jim a silver ring on the chain next to a small tube "is made from Vulcan mokev, Vulcan metal. This is the ring I was given on the day I married James T Kirk. It is my wedding ring. We were more than Captain and first officer, more than friends, more than lovers. We were married, bonded, we were T'hy'la." A tear slid down his cheek, his soul yearned for the other half it had been missing since he had lost Jim.

Kirk's jaw was on the floor and he couldn't seem to close it, these were not exactly the answers he expected, it was like going to a fortune teller and expecting to hear good news, and they don't give you bad news but its still not what you expected and you're left feeling even more uncertain of the future than before.

Without thinking Kirk reached forward to wipe away the tear and a strong but gentle hand caught his wrist "You are kind, it has been a long time since I have allowed myself to talk and feel so freely about Jim."

Jim's heart broke for this Spock, the pain of his loss was obviously still so strong "I grieve with thee." He recalled the Vulcan phrase, he needed to work on learning the language properly "Do you think Spock and I will end up the same? He asked tentatively.

"Nemaiyo, thank you." Spock contemplated for a moment "I do not know for certain, but I suspect you may. Jim and I were rather late to the game as it were, it wasn't until some time after our five year mission had ended that we realised what we had and decided to act upon it. I regret not having acted sooner but I believe the phrase is 'better late than never'. He caressed Jim's wrist for a moment before releasing it. "You and my counterpart have the advantage of being younger than we were and you have been through a lot together already. My advice would be to search yourself, do not let me influence you, but allow any feelings to come naturally and see what happens, if you choose to talk to Spock about it do not bombard him with it, he is not as in tune or comfortable with his emotions as I am now and you may scare him off."

Jim blushed and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt for a moment "And what if I think I might already have feelings for him?"

"Then he may also, but it is up to you both to work it out for yourselves, I can merely give advice." The Ambassador took a deep breath trying to re-centre himself and picked up his tea, he took a mouthful and rested the mug in his hands. He recalled a time where Jim would have intertwined their fingers as they relaxed on the couch together. It was the simple things that he missed the most.

They sat in silence for a few moments and drank their tea, Jim wondered if his Spock already had feelings for him too, he knew they were friends, one of his closest friends. He knew however that he could not bring it up with Spock, at least not anytime soon.

"Did, um, did you and Lieutenant Uhura ever see each other…romantically?" Jim broke the silence.

Spock raised an eyebrow at the odd question "No, I cannot say that we did, why do you ask?"

"Its not fair of me to tell Spock how I feel about him, not while he is involved with someone else." Jim sighed "I guess we found a great difference from this time to yours."

"Patience, Jim. Life is full of unexpectedness." The Vulcan advised and finished his tea. "I do not wish to cut this short as I find that I would like to spend more time with you, however I have some things to oversee shortly and I need to engage in a brief meditation; it would not do to go out in such an emotional state."

Jim drained his tea also and stood "Of course, I completely understand Spock, I would like to see you again before we leave if you have time?"

"I will always make time for you Jim. Let me know when you are free, I shall prepare a light meal for next time." Spock offered also standing and taking both of their mugs into the kitchen.

Jim smiled "I certainly won't say no to that, if its not too much trouble of course."

"It would be my pleasure." The Ambassador assured him and they made their way back to the door.

"Would a hug be acceptable?" Kirk asked before the door had been opened.

Spock's eyes softened and he nodded. Jim embraced him and after a moment felt arms enclose around him too, they held him tight and when they pulled apart Spock had a watery smile on his face.

"Thank you my friend, you have made an old man feel much, sometimes it is good to remember."

Jim wished he could do more for this Spock, he deserved good in his life "I will see you again soon, I promise." He opened the door and stepped out "Until then, take care, Spock."

"Live long and Prosper, James Kirk." Spock made the hand gesture of the ta'al and watched as Jim made his way back to his crew.

He closed the door once Jim was out of sight and moved through the house to his bedroom. Spock sat in the middle of the bed in a meditative position and gripped the small tube on his necklace, it had a tiny button and he pressed it. It was a recorded message from his Jim and it was all he had left (apart from his wedding ring) of their life together. Spock began to meditate as he listened to the voice of his T'hy'la, a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Let them have more time." He pleaded the universe, it was out of his hands.

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I think I covered all the Vulcan translations in the fic (all translations come from 'Vulcan Language Dictionary')

Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed it please leave a review, they keep me inspired xox


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